WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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