No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
