I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
