Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
