Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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