I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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