I'm lost and stupid without you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
