you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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