just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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