Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
