I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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