Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
