I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
