Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
