I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
