i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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