This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize