so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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