drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
