My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
