her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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