If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
