somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
