i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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