I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
