There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
