I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dear god my vagina.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
