You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
