ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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