I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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