I have demons in me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
