I think I won the penis lottery.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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