I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
