I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
