Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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