what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
