I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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