I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I understand Curling. That high.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize