another moral hangover. fuck.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
