bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
