So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
