Jerry, you need to find god
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
