Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
