tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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