so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
