tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
