You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
