Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
