a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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