pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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