so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
