I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
