i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
