and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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