The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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