So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
