can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
