This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
