Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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