wrigley field is MILF paradise
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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