And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
