mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
