So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
