I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
