I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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