WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
