And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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