Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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