Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
