He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am midnight drunk by noon
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
