I am in a vortex of obligation.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have aggressive nipples.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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