somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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