Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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